Saturday, July 25, 2009


--Here's a classic:

"Did you know that 9 out of 10 people need a new mattress?"

Really? What do they sleep on? Two-by-fours? Piles of hay? I didn't think the economy had gotten that bad!

Seriously- what's the criteria for needing a new mattress? I'm pretty sure I do, but that's just because I'm moving to a new apartment. Are 90% of Americans currently relocating? Did their homes just get repossessed?

--"Drivers who switched from Geico to Allstate saved an average of $473."

You think maybe the fact that they saved money had anything to do with the fact that they switched? How many people who switched actually lost money? I have a hunch that number is close to zero, meaning the people who wouldn't have saved weren't included in the sample size. The add may as well say, "Drivers who switched from Geico to Allstate and saved at least $400 saved an average of $473!"

--"Getting the right coverage isn't just about the car, it's about who's in the back seat."

Apparently, car insurance can prevent your kids from getting hurt in a car accident. It's like magic! Oh, wait. No. They just cut you a check and then raise your premiums. Sorry. You'll have to find a witch doctor or something.

--I'm a little tired of fast food commercials where fast food chains try to tell you why their fast food is better than other fast food.

Going to a fast food chain usually isn't one of the best moments of my life. Those moments aren't exactly a good time for brand loyalty. I can't imagine how bad your life has to be in order for you to be particular about your fast food. I just know that the decision of which chain to visit is usually dependent on which one is closest. Then comes the self-hate.

--Around in this area there is a college that airs commercials called 4-D College. First of all, I don't know anything about this college apart from what's on the commercials. Despite this fact, it may very well be a good place to study, but I'm not convinced. So, what does 4-D stand for? No, it's not the average report card of their top students. 4-D stands for the following:

1: Determination
2: Desire
3: Drive
4: Deliver

What? Now, I'm not sure where they make the rules for these mnemonic-driven bullet-point list things, but I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to start it with three nouns and end it with a verb. Plus, the first three are close enough to synonyms to discount the whole list in the first place. Once again, this college may very well be perfectly sufficient in preparing its students for the workplace, but if the commercial is indicative of the education you'll get there...

What I'm just saying is it's usually a good idea to put your best foot forward. And hopefully you've got a good one to show.

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